Armanied Homophobe

Its 11.50am and MH135 from Brisbane to Kuala Lumpur is the flight I’m on. I settle in for a good calm night, all meticulously planned beforehand, right down to the perfect in-flight read.

Then this gentleman resembling Raj Kapoor in his later Bobby-days sits next to me. He says a friendly hello, I reciprocate, I go back to my book. He makes small talk. He learns my name, and wonders if I’m Indian. He’s Pakistani – Kashmiri, to be exact. He asks if I know of the historical conflict of Kashmir. I reply in the affirmative ( naively trying to come across as knowledgble to this distinguished, Armani suit-clad benign-smiled elderly man ) and elaborate that I did a paper on the Kashmir issue with regards to self-determination for my Public International Law subject. It puts him over the moon.

He asks what I think caused the first rift, I start a couple of sentences, he cuts me off.

And there is no looking back for us.

The man is an incessant talker. He does not care if I agree with his views, not even if I was listening. He seemed to be one of those who literally likes the sound of his own voice.

He speaks of Kashmir from the time of Alexander’s invasion to the reciprocation to the Indian Army’s invasion of Junagadh. The plane has taken off by then.

I start to fidget, darting glances here and there. A window seat is something I’m never going to take again, I decide. I thought it would be a nice private haven – I realise it can also be a cavernous, claustrophobic trap with no exit.

When he comes to recent conflicts in Kashmir, I decide to vociferously agree and thereby finish the argument. Little do I know I'm no match for his deep seated need to have rigorous tongue exercise, whether I'm interested or not.

And so the night passes. He speaks of religions, compares Hinduism and Islam, and though claiming he sees all religions as equal, he proceeds to ‘logically prove’ that Islam is somehow superior – albeit never using that particular word.

He asks why Islam and Chrisitianity are such prevalent religions followed globally, while Hinduism is restricted to India. I venture ( for this was my area ) that it was due to an edict in Manusmriti, that those who crossed the oceans lost their caste, which to a Hindu in ancient times meant a total loss of identity, and thereby, livelihood.

The man, obviously caught a little off-guard, agilely side-steps, saying “Oh, these are all political manouvres. Religion is good, but man misinterprets it, the people in power use various ways to keep the people under them in control, and don’t want them to travel and gain further knowledge.”

Though a part of me wants to laugh out loud at this blatantly sweeping statement, I decide to play the docile second citizen Indian woman, purely out of curiosity. I even ( mistakenly ) give him the benefit of the doubt, thinking he might be an open-minded free thinker, trying to justify a lot of the religious nonsense we see in all religions today ( and IMO, Hinduism is not excluded in that ).

It soon becomes clear I'm still way too naïve, though, since he proceeds to very righteously ( and IMO very stupidly ) defend the reason the Prophet Muhammad utilised violence in his lifetime, as did his subsequent Caliphs. So during our late night in-flight meal, I'm treated to a monotonous soliloquy on extremely detailed narrations of events, complete with verses and dialogues, all justifying the use of violence to conquer and bring people under the rule of ‘The True God’.

I listen to the entire story of Moses as our trays are cleared and announcements of in flight entertainment, turbulence etc are made. From the time his mother set him as a newborn babe on the river, to the time the Red Sea parted. By now I have no idea what the point is, even. And obviously I can’t ask, for I can’t get a word in edgewise. The man obviously isn’t interested in the opinion of his listener, and after some time, I notice, not even in the body language acknowledging the listening. I open my mouth many times only to close it again, for there never is the right time, the right pause in between where I could interject and just basically go “Okay, old man, you can’t dismiss one faith and expect your listener to be completely in agreement with you on another”. This is obviously a one-man show.

And then, believe it or sleep, it gets worse. My eyelids get heavy and my head is ready to drop, and a part of me hopes this is the broadest hint one can register. Then Mr Raj Kapoor-gone-mad says something that jolts me awake:

Him :Did you know gays originated in Pakistan?

Me : (suddenly wide-eyed) Excuse me?

Him : (nodding solemnly ) Yes, yes, gays originated in Pakistan. That's why God punished Pakistan.

Me : Pu-Punished...?

Him : Yes, yes, that is why God made earthquake there, as punishment for making earth dirty. It is written in Quran.

Me : Really.

Him : Oh, yes yes. And did you know, Sydney is 30% gays?

Me : Uhm, no, I didn't.

Him : Yes, when I found out, I was so scared, I thought, oh, God is punishing Sydney soon. That is why I move to Brisbane.

Me : (spluttering) You - you moved to Brisbane because-

Him : Oh, yes, yes, you wait, you see, God is punishing Sydney soon. That is why I escape now.

I remember my college days, I remember my close Muslim friends whom I am going to visit once I land in Malaysia - friends who know me inside out, with whom I've had mature religious debates, whom I'd fast with during Ramadhan for the heck of it, buy food for when they couldn't fast, who respected my faith so much they accompanied me once to the temple and patiently waited outside, watching over me. I wonder what they'd think of this respected Pakistani CEO, swiftly destroying the image of Islam that they'd belabored for years to create.

I vehemently disagree, I point out homosexuality isn't an epidemic that needs wiping out. He argues, I argue, the details don't matter. I ask him for proof of whether people have committed any crimes like murder/rape/robbery due to the fact they were gay. He hmms and haaws, shakes his head this way and that, and says he doesn't know all that, and when I look like I'm subsiding, changes the subject :-

Him : Did you know all the problems in the world started from Jews? Did you think why is it Hitler was so against them?

Honestly!!!